Sweet Care

Over the years, Elizabeth’s health has been waning. Her ability to do things for herself has decreased, and our support has had to increase, too. It’s been a slow and subtle change, punctuated with drama. We’ve had various trips to the hospital – sometimes in an ambulance, sometimes waiting for hours in A&E. A heart specialist told her she had weeks to live – although we’re just about to mark two years since she was told that! Her life-limiting heart condition triggered community support from hospice, which has been epic. In-home support funded by Te Whatu Ora, started off at a couple of mornings a week. By this year, that had increased to twice-daily support – the maximum entitlement.

Though this may sound all grim and hard going, we’ve had lots of fun hanging out together, and our relationship has changed and deepened. I’ve gained an appreciation of Elizabeth’s quirky sense of humour – although her timing isn’t always appropriate!

Mid last year, a fall into the heliotrope while gardening resulted in a fractured spine. A  hospital stay was followed by weeks of respite in a Greengables care suite. Elizabeth was determined to get back to her villa, and through hard work and physio, she managed it. Then a couple of weeks before Christmas, another fall – this time a broken hip and a hip replacement operation. Discharged back to her villa from hospital, she had two further early morning falls within two days and the villa didn’t feel safe for her anymore. We were able to organise respite, again at a Greengables care suite. Being in respite has given her time to think about her future, and she has made the decision to stay in care fulltime.

It’s not an easy decision for anyone. I’m currently in heavy admin mode, and at times feeling overwhelmed. We’ve started the process of deciding what select precious items will go to her new space, and what has to be rehomed. We are so lucky that she is here to tell us stories about the things that are important to her, even if they don’t make the cut. We don’t always get the privilege of supporting our elders, and we don’t always get to hear their stories.

While there are commonalities in supporting an elderly parent in general, or in coming to terms with the reality of aging oneself, there are so many differences – in location, choices, finances and relationships. All I can say is, take a deep breath and be strong of heart.