16 November 2022

‘How we met’: rural couples share their dating stories … and what came after

Writer: Lauren Jackson

Photographer: ANNA BROOK (Stacey and Gareth); VIVIAN GEHRMANN (Greta and Chris); TESS CHARLES (Christine and Glen)

What does Cupid look like in rural New Zealand? It’s hard to imagine the winged boy being able to hack the rural lifestyle, although his bow and arrow might come in handy. One thing’s for certain – love strikes in many different ways. Three rural women reflect on how they met their partner, and tell Shepherdess how they continue to make their relationship work.

Stacey and Gareth Robinson, 39 and 37 respectively, met just over a decade ago. They now have two sons and live on the family farm in Pine Bush, Southland.

When seventeen-year-old Stacey clambered onto the back of a motocross bike on Labour weekend in 2001, she had no idea its rider, Gareth, then fifteen, was to be her future husband. Although they’d both grown up near the Southland town of Wyndham and lived about twenty minutes from each other, their paths had never crossed. Yet a love story was about to unfold that was as gentle and enduring as the rolling hills of the Pine Bush farm they now call home.

Gareth and his neighbour Nathan were mad about motocross racing. Nathan was dating Stacey’s best friend at the time, and they were keen to camp at Mavora Lakes for the weekend. As young Christians, they thought it would be best to travel in a group, so Stacey’s friend invited her along as Gareth’s passenger. “I was quite terrified that I was going to be in the hands of a fifteen-year-old, but he was really mature.” Stacey was touched that Gareth had added foot pegs and a cushion to the bike to make her more comfortable. “He’s really kind and caring. A motocross bike isn’t made for two people,” laughs Stacey.

The foursome camped in a DOC hut overnight and Gareth delivered Stacey safely home the next day. The following week Gareth called Stacey to wish her a happy birthday, and their friendship began. Phone calls on the landline and Sundays spent hanging out on Gareth’s farm gave the pair lots of time to get to know each other. Conversation felt easy and comfortable. Gareth was drawn to how “real” Stacey was, describing her as “someone with honesty and integrity. Someone that I could trust and that was keen to put her trust in me in terms of getting on the back of a motocross bike with a complete stranger!”

By the time the New Year rolled around, friendship had blossomed into love. Stacey and Gareth were seeing the new year in with Nathan and his girlfriend. “We were sitting on the back of a big truck”, Stacey recalls. “We were watching the sunrise and Nathan said to Gareth, ‘It looks like you might have yourself a girlfriend there, Gareth’. And I think that must have been it. It was official.”

At the time, Gareth was cultivating paddocks on his family farm, driving the silage truck on the weekends. “And so I would just sit next to him, and we’d talk, or not talk. Just be in each other’s company,” smiles Stacey. Sometimes they’d spend the day on the tractor, and Gareth would pop a couch cushion into the small space above the handbrake so Stacey would be comfortable. “It was pretty cosy, to be fair,” laughs Stacey. “We were just really farm orientated,” remembers Stacey, “and so our relationship was built around the farm, and what was happening on the farm.” Unlike many of their friends in couples, who spent every afternoon together, Stacey and Gareth only saw each other once a week. They were both busy studying – Stacey for Bursary and Gareth for School Certificate.

As the weeks went by, Gareth came to appreciate that Stacey was a country girl who shared the same values and work ethic as him. In Gareth, Stacey saw “someone who’s willing to make an effort for you and to care for you and make you comfortable.” Gareth isn’t so sure he deserves such high praise. “The fact that she was prepared to sit in the tractor with me for eight hours – most girls would have walked away. But Stacey didn’t, so I figured she was a sticker,” he laughs.

It was a five-year courtship. “You’ve got to remember,” says Stacey, “he was fifteen. Things couldn’t happen quickly.” Stacey and Gareth are grateful for this, and for those long days spent yarning on the tractor. “He was someone I could have a conversation with,” Stacey says. “We really did get to know each other during that time. I knew that he had the same core values as I did.”

Now their two-year age difference means nothing, and Stacey says it never really felt like Gareth was much younger. He was a mature teenager with lots of responsibilities on the farm. Did the age gap matter to Gareth? “Nah, it was exciting!” he chuckles. “I was a fifteen-year-old from an all-boys’ boarding school. Stacey was quite curvy and keen to chuck a leg over it.” Stacey’s eyes widen and she cracks up laughing. “His bike! I was keen to chuck a leg over his bike! Oh my gosh, this is why I love him. He is quite funny. He does make me laugh.”

While Stacey believes love can cross the city/country divide, she feels she was destined to marry a country boy. Raised first on a sheep and beef farm in the North Island town of Hunterville, Stacey’s family arrived in Southland in 1995 at the start of the dairy boom. She and Gareth love raising their nine- and twelve-year-old sons on the seven hundred-acre sheep and beef farm that once belonged to Gareth’s great-grandfather; their boys are the fifth generation to live on the family farm. Gareth’s parents own the land and Stacey and Gareth lease it, with the family leasing another two hundred acres out to a dairy farmer. Life is busy, with the couple running their digger and excavation business alongside the farm. Although she trained as an early childhood teacher, Stacey is happy to help run the business and put her teaching skills to use as a Sunday school teacher. She has also been busy feeding seven orphaned lambs this season. With 2,500 ewes, they are hoping for 4,000 lambs this year.

Stacey and Gareth try to get away for the odd weekend but prefer to be with their boys. “It’s just cool to spend time with them,” says Gareth. A date is more likely to be dinner than a movie – their wildly different taste in films makes movie-going “a debacle”, according to Stacey. Gareth loves action movies but did once endure a musical for Stacey’s birthday. “He sat there for two hours wishing his popcorn cup was over his head, because he just couldn’t take it anymore!” Stacey laughs. These days she has to fight the kids for the tractor and leaves the motocross to Gareth and the boys, who all ride competitively.

“There’s something special in getting to know somebody through the seasons. You get to see when they’re really happy, or when they’re upset, and how they react to different experiences,” says Stacey. “It’s every part of them.” Marrying young has set the couple on a shared life path. “I just think we grew up together and grew into one person, really. I love being married to Gareth,” smiles Stacey.

Greta Harris, 39, lives on a sheep and beef farm on Āwhitu Peninsula with her husband Chris and their six boys.

Greta and Chris’s love story started with more of a lightning bolt than a slow burn. Greta was planning to celebrate her thirty-fifth birthday alone on the couch, with Netflix and a bar of chocolate for company. The single mum of two was looking forward to a quiet night in, having reached a point in her life where she was “alone and thriving.” But, in a true Sliding Doors moment, Greta’s sister-in-law Tracey convinced her to come along to a Fight for Life boxing match in Tokoroa. With everyone shouting Greta birthday drinks, she was having a fabulous night. When Tracey decided their next stop would be the local pub, Greta hesitated – Tree’s Tavern had a bit of a reputation. But Tracey insisted, and it wasn’t long before Greta found herself dancing up a storm at the Tree’s.

Tracey wasn’t wrong when she acted on a hunch that Greta might get on with her high school friend Chris, who was also at Tree’s that night. Greta and Chris bonded over their beers (a Tui for Greta and a Waikato for Chris), and at the end of the night, “I grabbed Chris by the scruff of the neck and said, ‘You’re coming home with me,’” Greta chuckles. They both fell straight to sleep in their clothes – Greta in her glad rags and Chris in his sweaty logging gear! “It was pretty cool,” says Greta.

Within six weeks the ‘I love yous’ had been spoken. “I knew I wanted to marry him,” says Greta. “I never actually believed that soulmates were a real thing until I met Chris.” Friends and family warned Greta she was moving too fast. “But I was really sure of myself, and who he was. Our values so clearly aligned. There was never any hesitation between us.” Three years later, Greta and Chris celebrated their love with a beautiful wedding at Brooks Beach, near their Āwhitu Peninsula farm. The theme was ‘Bring a Plate, a Crate, and your Soulmate’. Their children made up the bridal party, and the happy couple left the ceremony in a Mustang and arrived at the reception on their kids’ dirt bikes.

Greta and Chris have six children between them and have blended their families with care. An artwork on the wall reads: Kind, Respectful, Honest, Loving. “The kids came up with those,” Greta explains. “They’re our core values.” Chris shares custody of his three sons, who are ten, eight and six years old. Greta’s two sons (nine and eight years old) live with Greta and Chris full-time, visiting their dad and his partner every second weekend. Greta and Chris have also welcomed a baby, now seven months old, to the family.

“The boys are amazing friends,” says Greta. The children have asked their parents to line up their schedules so that they can spend as much time as possible together. “They hug each other hello, and they hug each other goodbye.” The thirty-acre sheep and beef property is the perfect place to raise six boys. “It’s just a magic little spot,” says Greta. “It’s not massive, but it’s enough for the kids to spread their wings and spend lots of time on their motorbikes. They spend hours down at the creek eeling and whitebaiting.” They also love to help care for the animals.

Greta grew up on a station near the Ureweras and studied to be a vet. She brings lots of knowledge to the farm, while townie Chris (who was raised in Tokoroa) brings the ‘can do’ attitude. “We complement each other quite well, because he’ll give anything a go, whereas I’m a bit cautious.” They consult each other about all aspects of the farm and value strong communication. “It’s an important part of our relationship, because we have the difficult conversations in the moment,” says Greta.

Both Chris and Greta have jobs off the farm, too. Chris is a fitter and turner by trade, and now works in the steel mill as a power station operator. Greta works for Primary ITO, which offers work-based training programmes across the food and fibre sector. She teaches instructional design three days a week during school hours, working from home. She is grateful to have her father-in-law living on-site to help out with the kids. Chris’s shift work makes for slightly misaligned sleeping and waking hours for the couple, which neither he nor Greta enjoy. “It’s not that we feel incomplete without each other, but we make each other a better version of ourselves. We just like being in each other’s space,” smiles Greta. “I’m a really independent woman, but I just like being around him, you know?”

Does Greta ever wonder what life would be like now if she’d kept that birthday date with chocolate and Netflix? “I do! I think I would still be single. I’d be living a hard life, because I was doing it alone. Life would be so different.” Greta loves parenting alongside Chris. If the baby cries in the night, Chris and Greta take turns holding him while the other sleeps. “He’s my mate. He’s my best friend,” says Greta.

Greta and Chris are inclined to hang out with their kids rather than go out on date nights. Tree’s Tavern is just a fond memory now, but they do try to slip away from time to time. “Dates to us are taking a beer and sitting up on top of the hill,” smiles Greta. “A beer in the paddock.” And perhaps a quick glance up at the night sky to thank their lucky stars.

Christine Belsham, 67, met and married her husband Glen more than five decades ago. They live at Waikawa Beach in the Horowhenua.

In 1969, at the age of fourteen, Christine Belsham had a fifteen-year-old best friend by the same name. To avoid confusion, one went by ‘Chris’, and the other (Christine Belsham) went by ‘Tine.’ When a boy asked Chris to the Taita Rugby Club Social, she was tasked with finding a date for his friend, Glen (who had the car that would transport them!). Chris asked Tine, and the double date was set. Well, almost. Initially Christine’s parents weren’t so sure about allowing eighteen-year-old Glen to take their daughter to a dance. However, Christine did marching with Glen’s sister, and his family was deemed acceptable. “So off we went to the social,” remembers Christine, “and we had a delightful time.” From there, the romance “just went on and on, and he was lovely,” says Christine.

Things did take an unexpected turn when the young couple discovered Christine was pregnant with their first child at sixteen years old. But Glen didn’t miss a beat. “We’ll be getting married,” he said. At a time when the phrase ‘doing a runner’ was common parlance, Glen didn’t entertain the idea for a second, and so they were wed. There were no other option at that time if a girl wanted to keep her baby, but Christine is the first to point out “it has all worked out. I found a wonderful guy.”

Christine gave birth to their baby girl when she was just shy of seventeen, and Glen was twenty-one. “When I look back, we were just kids,” reflects Christine. “We had nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing!” They lived with Christine’s parents in that first year, and Glen’s parents bought them a bed. They then moved to a state house for eight years, before buying a house of their own.

Those lean years forged Christine and Glen’s strong connection. “There was no money, and you had to work for anything you got,” remembers Christine. They both juggled jobs and shift work to make ends meet and be there for their growing family. They did up houses at a time when their friends were out partying and took on extra jobs to get ahead. They raised three children, (two boys followed their daughter), and were active in all their sporting activities. The secret was “sharing and caring,” says Christine. When Glen came in from work, his meal would be ready. When Christine came in from a night shift at the post office, the nappies would be washed. “We became best mates, really,” says Christine.

At a time when many husbands weren’t hands-on around the home, Christine and Glen enjoyed a real partnership. Christine remembers her mother telling her, “You’re the luckiest girl in the world. He would swim to the other side of the world for you.” Glen chuckles. “I don’t know. I don’t think I could swim that far.” Christine says at the time she was too young and busy to appreciate what her mother was saying. “It wasn’t until years later, I’d look at other men and think, ‘I really have done well here.’”

For several years, Glen worked as a general carrier, eventually buying his own truck and working for himself. However, he didn’t enjoy being away from his family so went to work at the milk-processing plant, then bought a milk run in Stokes Valley. Later, he sold it and he and Christine took their first overseas trip to visit friends in Singapore. They were in their late thirties “and we got the bug!” laughs Christine. And so began a new chapter in Glen and Christine’s lives as they discovered a shared love of travel. As the children grew up, Christine was given good opportunities to move through the ranks at Wellington Newspapers, however the travel bug came calling again when she spotted an ad for English teachers in China. “I rang up about it and eighteen months later we were in China.”

They sold their Wellington home before the trip, and Glen converted their Horowhenua bach into a home upon their return. The couple still call their Waikawa Beach house home. “We were city people who wanted to get away from it all,” says Glen. “It’s nice and peaceful here.” Christine worked for the Horowhenua District Council, taking an eighteen-month sabbatical when the travel bug starting biting again and they took their second long trip to China. They’ve visited three times now, describing each experience as “life-changing” and “an education.”

Christine and Glen have also enjoyed travels through Slovenia and Croatia, which they describe as “absolutely beautiful countries”, and before the pandemic were planning a trip to Ukraine. Their plans are on hold, but their thoughts are still with the people of Ukraine. Six months ago, with lots of support from Glen, Christine started a charity called Kiwi Kindness, to support Ukrainian refugees. Kindness is key for the couple, and they abhor greed in the world. “You’ve got to have a certain amount of money, but it doesn’t bring happiness,” counsels Christine.

Christine and Glen have learned a thing or two about love and life in their fifty years of marriage. They consider good communication vital and stress that, like anything, a marriage requires work. They kept some pressure off themselves during those busy family years by teaching the children to each cook a meal and clean up after themselves. “I think being strict like that helped,” says Christine. “You’ve got to have organisation to make it happen and take pressure off, so people can communicate a little bit more.” Sitting down to a good meal each night was always a must. Christine and Glen also emphasise the importance of “good sleep, shelter and love.”

Family is still a priority for Christine and Glen. Their daughter now lives in Christchurch and has twenty-two-year-old twins. One son lives in Perth, and their youngest lives in Palmerston North with his eight-year-old son. Christine and Glen are very involved in their grandchildren’s lives and say they enjoy a lovely rapport with them.

They keep the love alive in their marriage by maintaining their own interests and with small daily rituals. Christine organises and cooks most evening meals, while Glen brings her a cup of tea and toast in bed every morning. Christine thinks Glen is “everything you could want in a person really” – funny, kind and caring, with integrity. “I often say Glen is a great, quiet achiever.” Glen admires Christine’s work ethic and determination to reach her goals. She’s kind, understanding and … Christine’s best quality, according to Glen? “She loves me!” They hoot with laughter, another key ingredient of their happy marriage. “You’ve got to laugh,” says Christine. “If you don’t laugh, you won’t survive.”

They take nothing for granted, especially not each other. The past ten years have dished out a few health scares. “We’ve both been down the cancer road, which gives you a very big reality check and makes you realise how much you value that other person in your life,” says Christine quietly, as Glen nods. They have both come through their respective treatments and are enjoying active retirements. Earlier this year, they were delighted to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary with family and friends, who travelled from all over to join them for a picnic at their home. “It was what I call ‘simple lovely’,” says Christine. To top it all off, Chris travelled from Mount Maunganui to bring them a beautiful cake she’d made, decorated with rosebuds. It was, after all, she who introduced Glen and Tine in the first place.