04 August 2022

Worlds apart: from Edinburgh to Roxburgh, flatting to living with the folks

Writer: SIONAINN MENTOR-KING

photographer: ANNA BROOK

Zoë Paterson, 30, has recently returned to her hometown of Roxburgh after a number of years living overseas. She talks to Sionainn Mentor-King about the transition and moving back in with her parents as an adult.

Roxburgh’s my hometown. Our family was one of the founding families in the valley, and I’m the sixth generation in the village. We have a lifestyle block, removed from town, with farm dogs, chickens, a goat. The connection with land, for me, is important. I love the landscape, the defined seasons. The hill feels familiar, and the rivers. I really enjoy and appreciate that.

I travelled in Europe, lived in Sydney, then spent a year back in New Zealand, in Dunedin, before heading to Scotland. I was there for about six months before lockdown happened. I lived in Edinburgh for what ended up being two and a half years. It was a really hard place to leave after forming such strong connections and tight community.

I’ve been home since late February, and it has been the most difficult transition I’ve had because I felt really established in a community and then had to leave because of a visa. If I had the choice, I would have stayed living in Scotland for a bit longer, and just come home to visit. It came with exacerbated emotions because of Covid and how scary it has been globally, and not being able to get home when I wanted to. It was hard dealing with that overseas, thinking that if anything happened to my family I couldn’t get home.

I've travelled [within New Zealand] quite a bit since I've been home, so I haven't been in Roxburgh the entire time. I spent a month on the Chatham Islands with my sister, who lives there. I had been home for three months and was struggling a bit with the transition, so the break was good. I went through a short period of wondering how am I back here? But it's complex because I'm also so grateful to see my family, and it's so beautiful to come back to the valley that I was raised in and to connect to the land and the people again. There was a time [after I got back] when I wanted to push away from being home, but now I feel more settled in knowing that being in Roxburgh is not a long-term plan, and that I'm really lucky to be back home in Aotearoa after such a difficult time.

There's always challenges around being an adult and understanding yourself in a family dynamic; not wanting to fall back into those roles you filled when you were seventeen/eighteen. Because I haven't lived at home for thirteen years, I'm different. I've grown and my path, my morals, my beliefs - they've all changed and expanded and some are different to my family's.

I recognise that my family only really know me as a teenager. They haven't experienced all of my growth. When I first moved home I felt a bit foreign sometimes, so there has been a space of learning a new way to communicate with my family. I have some new ideas and beliefs - like coming back and not wanting to eat meat. That was a big one for a start. Dad was like, "Okay," and the next night he was like, "So, did you want a steak for dinner?" That has been interesting. Now that I'm back in Aotearoa and spending time with my family and have more conversations with them, I know that they will get to a place of understanding me better.

I feel a heightened sense of responsibility when I'm home to make sure I'm pulling my weight. I'm here and contributing to the family. I recognise how hard my family work, so I'm making an effort to not slip into those [childhood] roles. Everyday I'm like, "Is the wood basket filled? Is the fire going? How can I actually contribute?" I've definitely recognised how much my mum does.

Photos on Zoe's busy fridge door at home

One of the reasons for being home is that I've been unwell, so I'm using it as a time to not have a lot of additional financial pressure. Roxburgh is an amazing place to just rest and relax. I've told myself I need to spend a year to look after my mind and body, and I feel grateful to have the opportunity to do just that with my parents.

My whānau is close, and I've been away a long time; it has been important to come back to connect again. I've spent the time deciding where I want to base myself in Aotearoa. It will probably be the South Island or somewhere close. Towards the end of the year is the goal. I think it will be important to find myself again.

[Edinburgh and Roxburgh] feel worlds apart. When I first came home I felt like I lived in two worlds, like part of me was still in Scotland and I was living in two dimensions. I've been to a lot of other beautiful places and didn't have that same connection; but my ancestors are from Scotland. It felt like home, instantly, being in the land there, in the Highlands…It's hard, because my family have been in this country, and specifically in Roxburgh, for so many generations now. So it's a really conflicting space to navigate. So many complex emotions.

One of the best things about being home is the opportunity to have conversations with my mum around my new learnings and ideas and things I've seen, places I've been. My mum is very curious, and we are very alike in that way, and I often think that I have done the majority of this because my mum didn't get the opportunity to. She was going to come visit me when I was in the UK, but because of Covid it never happened. But I definitely will take her travelling one day.