The blessings of step-parenting: a creative bond helps ensure smooth sailing for blended family

Abbe: Florence is now eight and a half, but she was only about three when Emile came into our lives. She says she doesn't actually remember a time without Emile, so that's kind of cool.

Emile: I've been there almost since the beginning, and that's definitely made it easier for us. Apart from the dog, Maeve is my only other kid. At the moment it's hard not to have the youngest one as the favourite, cos with Florence we're trying to teach her some life skills, like cleaning up after herself or helping out, and at first it was a real battle. Now it's second nature. It's a team effort, which is very rewarding. Whereas Maeve, who is two this week, she just makes a mess.

Abbe: Emile and Florence have a morning and evening routine that they do together - they've got their thing that they do. She's at quite a tricky age emotionally, and she's been quite hard to parent the last few months; whereas Maeve is just really cruisy. They're at such different ages, it's more about parenting them as individuals rather than together. We have to treat them quite differently.

Emile: Florence has got a really creative brain and so do I. We definitely bond on that level. She's really good at art and stuff like that. It's formed a relationship where we're often building stuff together.

Abbe: Emile went to a Steiner school, so he's a really great lateral, creative thinker. I remember quite early on, he and Florence were playing Lego, and the way I've always played Lego is stacking blocks on top of one another. But they made this beach - they had all the blue blocks just kind of scattered on the ground, then there were yellow ones for the sand, then green ones for the grass. I would never, ever think to play Lego like that. I think that Florence really appreciates that Emile thinks like that, because it makes her think like that.

Emile: The main challenge for me was, in the beginning, when I was looking after her and we didn't have a real strong bond, all she'd want was Mum. She'll still do it every now and again, but we do talk about how that makes me feel, and I think the penny might have dropped for her. Seeing any kid grow up is really rewarding. She's a good kid: she's honest, considerate, her values are extremely good. She's really good at school and the teachers rave about her. Seeing someone you've got something to do with grow up, that's really rewarding.

Abbe: Florence's dad, Shane, lives in Australia, and she goes there twice a year. But because she doesn't go for long, he gets to do all the fun things with her. He doesn't have to do the really challenging parenting things.

Emile: That can be challenging, mentally. But she can go there for a short, fun stint, and I can deal with that. I'm sure that if Shane lived in New Zealand he'd have it the other way around, so I'm lucky, actually, that I get to spend that time with her every day. We're really lucky that the relationship between the three of us [parents] is better than you might think. There's no huge challenges. Florence is never caught in the middle. Abbe and Shane keep things civil.

Abbe: It's easy for us because we don't have a shared custody arrangement [with Shane], and our relationship ended on pretty good terms, so it's never been a traumatic experience for Florence. We've always been able to be really respectful of each other. And we do include him in decisions. Florence is forever on FaceTime with him, and I send him photos all the time of stuff she's doing.

Emile: And if we've got parent-teacher interviews, we make sure he's there.

Abbe: Yeah, we FaceTime him. Shane has a really beautiful family and they love Florence so much. She's got three sets of grandparents, which is pretty cool for her.

Emile: Maeve is really close to my parents - she's their first grandchild, whereas Florence, she's torn between so many different sets of grandparents now. But she seems to deal with that pretty well. The girls are quite different. Maeve - she's always got to take the hard way to do something, whereas Florence is more about finding the easiest way.

Abbe: Maeve thinks her sister is just the most amazing ever. But Florence is - five minutes and then she's sick of her. Because we're working the farm - that's kind of like our hobby, almost a weekend thing - we can all be out there together, which is really cool.

Emile: There's so many things we do together around here. They're everyday things, as well. She'll be out building a hut, and we'll be doing something else. I think that's sort of important. The girls make their own fun, and they see us achieving stuff and working hard.

Abbe: The older Florence gets, the more she's involved with what we're doing, as opposed to just being around.

Emile: And we make a big deal about it if she's been helpful with what we're doing. That's really rewarding. We work off the farm as it's only ninety hectares with 320 ewes so we don't have to rush anything. It's enough to show them work ethic and all the good stuff, and it's not that hard-out that we don't have time for the kids. Having that relationship [with Shane], the three of us parents having a good relationship, has made for smooth sailing.