Making Friends, Building Relationships and Fitting in When I Moved to the Chatham Islands

Our last edition of Social Club asked subscribers “How do you go about making friends in a new community, especially when it’s isolated?” This got me thinking about my own experience of making friends, building relationships, and fitting in when I moved here to the Chatham Islands.

I grew up in a small rural town and attended relatively small primary and high schools. Other than my time at university in Dunedin, all my adult life has been spent living on high-country stations or in little-dot-on-the-map locations, with no further desire to live in a large town or bustling city.

I am very used to rural and remote life and feel as though I have a fair idea of how small towns operate. But settling in and establishing myself on the Chathams? It’s felt like a tough nut to crack at times.

The bush telegraph ensured that everyone knew who I was before I arrived. I was “the new school teacher”, and my first six weeks was spent introducing myself to people as “the new school teacher, Greer.”

Being a teacher at the larger of the three island schools meant I was quickly thrust into the community – meeting children and their parents, being part of school events. I was frantically trying to remember names and make connections between people and families, all while trying to make a great first impression.

At times it felt like I was in a fishbowl and my every move was being watched. To be honest it still does at times, even though I am no longer working as a teacher. There’ll be whispers of “Who’s the newbie? Who’s got the shiny new truck? What are they doing here? How long will they last?” People here tend to be either curious or cautious.

My family have always been community minded and involved in a number of different local events, sports clubs and committees. I have always thought this is not only a great way to give back to the community but also a way of making connections and meeting new people.

Me being me (a boots-and-all yes girl), I was eager to get involved in a group somewhere on the island, while also being mindful that small towns, or islands in this case, aren’t always fans of big ‘movers and shakers’. Still, I trotted off down to the Chatham Island Netball Club AGM, keen to play for the season. In fact I had already been allocated a team before I arrived on the island after our new boss on the farm discovered I played (it was one of the interview questions!). I walked out of the meeting as the new club secretary.

Netball gave me that first ‘in’. I made many great friends that first year, ladies who are still part of my friend group today. I have been secretary now for coming up six years and love playing, my team (The Stingers) and being part of our club.

It wasn’t till my second year here, however, when my partner Kenny and I got together and then started our family, that I actually felt I was accepted by the locals. It was almost like until I was with an islander, I was still an outsider. Technically I still am.

I am often reminded that I will never be a ‘Weka’ as the islanders call themselves; I will always be a Kiwi. The annual Weka vs Kiwi netball and touch rugby competition is a friendly reminder of the split between the two.

As our family has grown, my friend group has too. Mums and Bubs group, play dates and birthday parties have widened our friend group and keep our social calendar full.

I know that navigating new friendships in new places can be incredibly hard. It takes time. The Chathams is no exception! At times life here, away from my family, still feels hard and lonely, but as the saying goes – it is what you make of it.