“No one knows you need help unless you ask for it” – how one woman is navigating the knuckle-down-and-get-into-it phase of life

We live just out of Fairlie on a farm that we took over from my husband Henry's family in 2021. I've been here since 2014, and Henry's been back pretty much since he left uni. It's just under a thousand hectares and we have sheep, beef, deer and dryland crop - wheat, barley and oilseed rape - so it's a bit of everything.

I qualified as a chartered accountant and ended up working in rural banking for four years before I had kids and I haven't gone back to work, as such. We've got two wee girls - Lily, 3, and Sophie, 1. I do all the administration side of things on the farm and feed the workers. I've also got a couple of Airbnbs on the side that I run as well. There's lots of different things going on, but my primary role is still the kids, and the rest fits somehow around that.

We run quite a structured house. Having small kids helps because they're in a routine. But I do get help in. I learnt the hard way that I couldn't do it all. I get a cleaner in once a week and the irony is that often I'm out cleaning the Airbnbs and she's cleaning the house. I still clean, but she does the big clean, so I'm just getting it back to her level. It just takes that pressure off, and that's been a big thing. I've learnt that it's not a bad thing to ask for help. I can keep on top of most of it, but I can't do it all.

My in-laws live 5km down the road. My mother-in-law's retired, so she has ability to help. I try not to over-rely on her or my mother, but thankfully they're more than happy to help. The kids love spending time with their grandparents and it's just that thing - you can't do it all yourself.

I do lunches for Henry and our worker during the week and anyone that's helping over harvest gets dinner. The key is being organised. I try to have a meal plan and figure out what's happening and when, because otherwise I end up over-spending. It's a work in progress - everything is. It's always constant through winter, but summer is our busier time through harvest and spraying and spreading and all that fun stuff. Winters are easier for us in a way, as Henry's work is generally dictated by the daylight. He's usually inside by five. It's really lovely when he is inside at night and can help with the girls. He'll do the dishes and things like that.

During that busy summer period, when I've got Airbnb change-overs, I find that lists help - getting things out of my brain and onto a piece of paper or my phone. I run a few calendars and it helps because you sort of know when you're rolling into a busier period. You know you can't do that weekend, it's too busy; or, this is actually a really good time, I'm going to make the most of it and try to get off-farm and do a few things. We had a really busy period over July/August, when the Airbnbs were pretty much fully booked, so I got someone to come and help with change-overs. I just can't do it all. Again, it's back to asking for help. That in itself takes so much stress away.

I do sometimes get an overwhelming feeling of, Oh my gosh! Where do I start? Usually, I just try to step away from it - go outside or take the kids to feed the chickens. Then I come back in and things feel more manageable. Some days, I'm like, What am I up to? But then the sun comes up and it's not that bad after all.

Personal time is a work in progress. It's something I'm really aware of for Henry. I've got quite a bit on my shoulders, but anything management is on him. This winter has been wet and hard, and he wears that stress. Having young kids, it's a case of "you go away this time, I'll go next time". I think it's really cool for the kids to see us doing things for ourselves, not just for them or for the farm.

We try to break things into ten-year stages. The first ten years of our working [lives] was to build up to where we are now. We travelled a bit and enjoyed life, but we still worked pretty hard. This period now is the knuckle-down-and-get-into-it period, and then hopefully when the kids are at high school we'll be able to go to their sporting commitments and other things. We're on the treadmill and it's hard, but we're trying to set ourselves up for that next stage.

Asking for help is important - admitting when you need help, whatever aspect that is in. No one knows that you need help unless you ask for it. People look in and they're like, Oh they're capable, she'll be fine, and then you're sitting there thinking, I need help and they're not offering! Going through my dad dying of cancer changed my outlook on how I see and approach life. Life is too short, so you've actually got to ask. And you're a better mum - or business owner or farmer - when you've got help.