The Best Piece of Advice

Dear Shepherdess,

I have always admired images of farming mums – the ones with stoic women standing over drafting gates with toddlers layered up in backpacks or sweeping shearing boards with babies tucked safely to the side of the shed. My own mother was just like this, doing the books for the family’s shearing contract and cooking for shearers, while managing three kids. She just did it because that’s what needed to be done.

To be honest, it was exactly what I wanted to be. A get-in-and-get-it-done farming mum. After all, I have always been a do-er. With the arrival of our first child almost two years ago, I found myself slugging around our wee girl – wrapped in an old woollen jersey and hat – pushing sheep up the race, recording numbers in the cattle yards and much more.

Fast forward a year, with a fresh baby boy and a busy sixteen-month-old, I was sitting with a lukewarm tea at our dining table with Jacqui, the midwife for both of my pregnancies. She is extremely experienced and has an aura about her. You can tell she is worldly. One thing I’ve always loved is Jacqui always speaks frankly.

Sitting there in a lounge room scattered with muslins, nappies and toys – new baby sleeping on my shoulder, the other demolishing a cheese and marmite sandwich – I told Jacqui about the busy weeks we had ahead. Tailing was only a few days away, and our crew consisted of myself, my partner, a friend and the kids – far from ideal. We had a new water system to install, plus the everyday jobs like stock shifts, dogs, chooks and whatever else came along in between. Then there was the fencing, which had two kilometres of gear ready to go.

As the words poured out, I remember thinking to myself – with some very colorful language – “How on earth were we going to get through all this with a newborn and a toddler? How do I do it with two?” It felt a little like I had lost my confidence. It’s a feeling I am sure many other mothers have faced before.

Jacqui, who could probably read my mind at the time, offered me advice I still reflect on daily, even four months on. She looked at me and said, “Greer, it will sometimes seem like it’s going to be bloody hard, but then you’ll do it – cos you just have to – and you’ll look back and go, ‘Ahhh, that wasn’t so bad and it’s such a good feeling.’”

Her words at the time made me smile – it may have been an unsure smile. I mulled over the possibility that she was right. Maybe if I just do it, it won’t seem that bad. I have found myself on many occasions since just enjoying the feeling of completing even the most basic task – because they become mission impossible with two babies. Without knowing it – or probably even thinking much of it – Jacqui’s advice has spurred me to action and given me my confidence in my capability back.

Greer Paterson
Te Matarae, Rēkohu Chatham Islands

This letter appeared in our Ngahuru Autumn 2023 Edition.