Still Here

My dad inspired me to follow a career in shepherding, but it was a huge challenge to break into the industry. This was eight years ago, when cadetships were near impossible to get into. I was also on the back foot because I didn’t have any dogs. I took a job in a milking shed because it was easier to get a start in dairy. I kept looking for shepherding work, but I was struggling to find an employer who would take me on without experience. In the end, the only way I could do it was by working for free.

I had a very wholesome upbringing on farms around the mid to lower North Island – the standouts were in the high country around Taihape and in coastal Tararua around Pongaroa and Ākitio. I loved to tag along with my dad, who was a farm manager. I remember summertime on the farm – dusty yards, sweat, dogs, sheep and cattle, swims in the dam or river or ocean, and wet days on the bike tucked behind Dad, looking forward to Mum’s warm lunch at home. That’s hard to beat. I was surrounded by animals wherever I went, and I made them my whole life. If it could be a pet, I wanted it! I initially wanted to be a vet, but I knew that my soul needed to be outside caring for animals.

By the time I began looking for a shepherding job, my dad had got out of farming, so I no longer had my “in” to the industry. I knew I would need to prove that I could handle the early starts and manage the long, hard days. Then, I met Jodie Dalton, my student advisor at AgITO in Hawke’s Bay. Her husband, Tim, managed a farm near Te Awanga. I think they could see I was truly keen and not just filling in time doing the course, and they offered me work experience. Six months later I accepted a job with them as a shepherd.

It can be difficult working in what is essentially a man’s world. I was breaking into farming just as we started seeing more females in more-prominent roles rather than in the cookhouse or raising kids – which, don’t get me wrong, are equally important. But having the confidence to stand up for what you believe in is hard. There is the fear of being labelled a nag. And if you get it wrong, you’re “just a bloody woman.” I’m outnumbered by men no matter what agricultural setting I’m in. That’s why it was such a revelation for me the first time I worked for a female head shepherd.

I spent eighteen months at Te Awanga before taking a shepherding position at Waitere Station, in the back blocks of Tūtira, where the head shepherd was Aimee Trotter. She understood where I was coming from and how I felt, because she’d fought a lot of the same battles being female in this industry. Aimee inspired me to launch hard into my career, and has become one of my closest friends.

My next big career step came after a couple of rough years. I was suffering badly from anxiety and went through a difficult relationship breakup. At times I wondered if I should just sell up my dogs and try something else. But I was still determined to succeed, so I took a step back and did casual farm work for a while until I was offered a second-in-charge job at Bush Gully in Martinborough, Wairarapa. I spent nearly two years there, working for a boss who was caring and considerate. I also made a close friend of my neighbour Pip, who would tell me to “put my big girl pants on” when I was having a rough day. Pip is still a big part of my support network of women who keep me going.

My passion for farming made a big comeback while I was at Bush Gully and now I work on a 1,500-hectare sheep, beef and deer farm at Bideford near Masterton. I am currently second-in-charge and the plan is for me to move into the stock manager role. It’s going really well – I’m feeling positive about my future in farming.

It’s been a tough road. I have struggled with my conflicted feelings about working in the industry. As an empath, I take on a lot and care deeply. I feel love for all the animals I encounter. As hard as it is to load trucks for the works or grow animals out knowing what their fate is, it’s going to happen regardless of whether I’m here, so I have chosen to stay in the industry, to be their voice. That’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I love animals and I’ll always stand up for them. I think what I’m most proud of is sticking with it. I could have walked away when it got hard, but I’m still here.