24 December 2021
Weaving Together Four Families
Ngā Mārena. Rural Weddings.
Writer: ARIELLE KAUAEROA (MUAŪPOKO, NGĀTI RAUKAWA KI TE TONGA)
Photographer: MELE NA’A TAU’ALUPE
By embracing the cultures of both New Zealand and Tonga on their wedding day, Amelia and Matamoana Nuku were able to honour their families – and their traditions – in a way that celebrated love.
Amelia can remember back to 2012 when she was at university with Matamoana. He was completing a thesis in post-disaster architecture with a special focus on his home country, Tonga, and the Pacific Islands. Amelia wanted to support Matamoana in his research and read some of the in-depth material along with him, which often spoke to the Tongan culture and experience. “For a time, I didn’t truly realise how significant the differences were between our cultures,” says Amelia, 29. “During his thesis, I was reading a lot of research articles that he was studying, and the more I read, the more interested I became. It really helped me to understand how different our upbringings were.”
Matamoana was raised by his paternal grandparents in the tiny village of Ha’utu, in Tonga. Located on the western side of the island Tongatapu, and only a minute or two from the beach, life in Ha’utu was slow, lived day-to-day and without stress. It was important to Matamoana’s family that he have this time in his homeland with his ngaahi kui, to learn the ancient traditions and knowledge of his culture. Amelia and her family mostly settled in Mount Barker, Wānaka, when she was young, but they also spent time in other small villages around Otago, such as Macraes, near Palmerston, where Amelia attended a small country school with only sixteen pupils.
"When it came to Matamoana's family and culture, there was so much that I didn't know," Amelia explains. "I wanted to learn the reasons behind the traditions, and the research we did while at university really opened up my mind. I had to do a paradigm shift and ultimately it helped me to understand things a lot more easily."
The couple had originally hoped for a wedding in Vanuatu, but due to Covid-19 Amelia's hometown, Wānaka, was chosen. Several traditional Tongan customs were undertaken before the big day, including a ritual of respect where handwoven mats and tapa cloths were given to Matamoana's fahu, or superior aunt, as koloa, or precious gifts.
"After my brother's speech, all of our friends stood up to haka to us. It was so incredibly moving, I have never had that experience before."
Amelia
In Tongan culture, the most sacred familial relationship is that of brother and sister. This value system reaches back to their creation stories, and it is reflected in the complex social structures and customary practices that are still part of everyday life for many of Tongan descent. These cultural practices, and many more, were incorporated into Amelia and Matamoana's wedding day to ensure that both families were acknowledged and felt at home.
"The beautiful thing about Tongan culture is that somewhere in the lineage everybody plays their various roles," says Matamoana, 31. "Every single person's line will have the experience of being the superior line at some point. My mum's brother, who is also a minister, officiated the wedding and that was quite special as it represented my uncle carrying out a duty to serve my mum, as well as me as her son."
There were a few things before the wedding that didn't go quite as planned - including the couple having to ice their own wedding cake at 10pm the night before - but the bride and groom's families were there to help. Matamoana's cousin seated guests by reading the plan from an iPad, and just before the ceremony Matamoana's maternal aunties dressed him in a ta'ovala, a woven ceremonial article of clothing, while he rested his arms on the heads of his maternal uncle's grandchildren - a demonstration of how Tongan culture gives special significance to each family line.
"The day before our wedding was really stressful," says Amelia. "I had my hen's do two days before the wedding, so that made things a bit tough. Matamoana was doing last-minute jobs like designing the seating plan and I was struggling to just get through the day! But my bridesmaids and I got ready at my mum's house, and that was a beautiful moment to have my mum and Moana's mum there, seeing them hang out and get to know each other a little bit."
The wedding ceremony took place in the century-old Tarras Community Church, which is situated down a quiet country lane halfway between Wānaka and Cromwell, surrounded by an acre of lawn and evergreen trees. "Our service was simple and traditional with Tongan hymns and a local organist accompanying. We chose the church because it was important to Moana's family as much as mine," says Amelia. My grandparents left Dunedin for the first time in ten years just to attend our wedding."
The bridal party danced their way into the wedding reception at the Corbridge Woolshed, where 120 guests enjoyed a night packed with speeches, music, Tongan dancing and haka - a traditional war dance that encompasses familial pride and love. "After my brother's speech, all of our friends stood up to haka to us," says Amelia. "It was so incredibly moving, I have never had that experience before, and I was so emotional. It wasn't just a few friends, either: it was all of them from across different cultures and backgrounds who came together to do that for us."
As a special honour for the couple, Matamoana's five-year-old niece, Kaulamusu Tongi'aepau Finau, performed a traditional solo dance, a tau'olunga. This was her first performance, and she danced to a song composed by Huluholo, the eldest brother of Matamoana's grandmother. "Tongan culture is very heavily focused on family, and not just family, but also everyone's role that they play within the family, so our wedding wasn't just a coming together of two families but four," says Matamoana. "It was the mother's side and father's side, for both of us. For us to all celebrate our day in this way, it was quite special. We were able to respect that this was a fifty-fifty partnership with mine and Amelia's family and culture. We were able to celebrate our wedding, but also practice our customs and traditions on both sides."
Glossary. Fahu, dignified or superior aunty, a father’s sister. Haka, ceremonial war dance that is often used to express pride and respect. Koloa, precious gift. Ngaahi kui, grandparents. Ta’ovala, handwoven Tongan article of dress. Tau’olunga, a ceremonial dance performed by young Tongan females.
Amelia & Matamoana
16 January 2021
Bride Amelia Hoult, 29, daughter of Andrea Rogan, Wānaka, & Greg Hoult, Queenstown
Groom Matamoana Nuku, 30, son of Tongi’aepau & Hiueni Nuku, Porirua
Wedding Location Tarras & Wānaka, Central Otago
Ceremony Tarras Community Church
Reception Corbridge Woolshed
Minister Reverend Tevita Finau
Photographer Merle Photography
Videographer Kara Jane Visuals
Bride’s & Bridesmaids’ Dresses Shona Joy
Engagement Ring The Village Goldsmith
Wedding Bands Meadowlark
Shoes Toni Bianco
Hair & Makeup Road to Beauty
Catering Fully Pitted
Cake The Sunday Baking Company
Styling Corbridge Woolshed
Flowers Put together lovingly by a team of friends and family, with the maid of honour’s mum, Caroline Harker, leading the group
Music Pianist David Strang
Honeymoon Will be going to Vanuatu as soon as they can
Living Taputeranga, Wellington
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This story appeared in the Raumati Summer 2021/22 of Shepherdess.
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