Boarding School Days

My husband, Sam, and I farm in Central Hawke’s Bay in a place called Wallingford on a sheep and beef farm. We’ve got three children – Franca (17) in Year 13; Ottie (15) in Year 11; and Harvey (11) in Year 9. All of them are boarding at Whanganui Collegiate, a three-hour drive away. 

I wasn’t overly happy about the idea of them boarding. I grew up in Dunedin and was a day student, so it wasn’t a decision I made easily or lightly. However, our local high school is about thirty kilometres away, so we went into parenting with the awareness that it was always a possibility for us as a family.  

We started looking into it early, when our eldest was in Year 6 or 7. We went around some of the local schools to see if it was going to suit us to for them to continue to be day students. Our eldest daughter particularly was very involved in the decision making. We felt it was really important that we keep the kids together. We didn’t want to fragment them across schools, and that is why we decided on a co-educational boarding school option. The two girls and their brother could all end up at school together. That’s happened this year, which is so cool.  

The co-educational aspect was big for us. I wanted them to be in an environment where it is very normalised to be boys and girls. Whanganui Collegiate also happens to be the school that my husband and his father went to. But as a mum, I completely threw that out the window and just tested it for its own merits, not for the sake of tradition. We didn’t just follow what others were doing. We were very true to who the children were, who we were as a family and what we wanted them to get out of this stage. I grew up with my mother saying, “If nothing else, your education is your inheritance.” So we take education really seriously. We did it properly, but it was a big leap of faith at the same time.   

When we dropped our eldest daughter off the first time, it was not pretty (of me!). On the way home, I think I cried solidly from Whanganui to Bulls. It was horrific, just like ripping my arm off. I feel teary going back to it. She’s five years down the track now, but still, that feeling is just so hard.  

You have to take it seriously because it’s a big decision for everyone. But I love seeing the kids thrive. You have your bumps along the way, but my kids have had such a cool experience and opportunities. I’m just so proud of them. You get the privilege, as a parent, to step back and just see them shine. A lot of it is surrendering to a bigger purpose of who they are going to become as adults. 

Whanganui Collegiate is an old, traditional school. It’s  unique in the sense that it has Saturday classes. When they’re at school, they’re very much at school. They get longer holidays, and Sam and I are really good at jumping in the car and going and seeing them. I wouldn’t go any longer than two weeks without seeing  them, but more often than not, it’s us going to them.  

The kids are coming home for Easter. They haven’t actually been back to the farm since they started the term, which is unusual, but the girls are so busy with their sports – their time out of school has been more focused around that. In winter, it’s hockey and netball; in summer it’s rowing. Our youngest hasn’t been home since he started, and I’ve only had one bout of tears from him. He’s been amazing. I think he’s enjoying being with the girls again. 

The upside for me is the opportunity to work again. It frees up the day-to-day. There’s a lot of running around on the weekend, because we want to, but typically, the week is pretty settled. My hours aren’t dictated by a school bus, which is frigging amazing. I don’t miss that in the slightest. It ruled my life for those primary school years. The other upside has been being a couple again. That time that Sam and I get – uninterrupted conversations, just having that space to be with each other again. And then we both really look forward to connecting with the kids. And it’s not a brutal empty nest feeling. I think by the time the kids do leave, we’ll be prepared. The blow’s been softened. 

I very rarely raise my voice at the kids these days. There is none of that day-to-day “Get your shoes! Get out the door!” sort of rush. When I go to see them, I have such an intense sense of excitement. It’s kind of like that pre-Christmas sort of vibe, so I really cherish the time I have with the kids. I’m really enjoying their teenage years. I’m not saying they’re perfect, but so far – touch wood! – so good. We just enjoy each other when we have that time. We are lucky – we’ve have had a great experience.