“I want her to be proud that I’m her mother” – how the right support has helped a young mum find her self-worth

I’m a Harris from Mangamuka and I’m just getting to know my whānau lines. I finished high school after Year 11. In 2020 just after I had Baby, I was very vulnerable. I was in a mental health subacute in Kaikohe and I didn’t have Baby with me. As a mum, I felt useless, so I knew I had to do something. I searched up teen parenting schools near me on Google and found Hiwa-i-te-rangi and Miss Eleanor.

Eleanor has such a positive aura and it was such a change from all the people that I had around me. It was really uplifting and it gave me hope and positivity. The supports that I had weren’t adding to my value – value that I didn’t even know I had at the time.

When I was at my lowest point, I was so deteriorated. I wasn’t sleeping or eating properly. It’s such a hectic time after you’ve had a baby. It’s very life changing. I’m only just starting to learn [that many women suffer from postnatal depression]. Going through it myself, I would never, ever want anyone else to experience it. I would never, ever anyone else to feel that low that I’ve felt. Thinking about my daughter’s future, I would never want her to feel like that.

Hiwa-i-te-rangi is really a good space. It gives us the opportunity to grow and expand and add knowledge into our kete and be set up as a parent. All of it is ticked off at Hiwa. And childcare – you get time to yourself to think about what you want to do. Where do you want to be? Where do you see yourself?

I want to help people who have dealt with trauma, help give back the confidence in their journey of realising their own self-worth. I was thinking of going into nursing, but I want to add to my knowledge as well. I’m studying mental health and wellbeing because I wish I knew the things that I’ve learnt through my studies while I was mentally unwell.

I remember in college learning about hauora and Te Whare Tapa Whā. At the time it didn’t seem important. But when you go through it! Being diagnosed with things that I can now identify and work with, cope with and change. Seeing therapists and counsellors has been really cool. I like seeing their insights on my situation and what advice they give to me. It’s like public advice that I would like to put in my kete.

I know I can be successful going through with Hiwa. I would like to be financially stable, mentally stable, physically stable. When you become a parent, you just want those pillars set for your children. I don’t want my daughter to feel like she doesn’t have anywhere to turn. It’s about creating a stable future for her.

I’m learning to let my daughter have her moments, because it used to just stress me out. I love hearing the positive things that she’s picked up from me, sayings and doings. I’m not the best sometimes, but I’m not the worst. I’m trying. And with the right support, it’s been easy. Well – it’s been less hard.

I’m glad for the role models like Eleanor that I now have in my life. And despite everything, I’m glad for the trials and tribulations that I’ve been through. Because in order to be the woman that I want to become, I believe I have to go through these things. I want to be someone that I could have looked up to. I guess you have to feel the hurt to be strong.

I want to always hold on to positivity. I can’t change the world, but I can change myself, and what I present and portray. And I hope that’s enough for my daughter to be proud of. I want her to be proud that I’m her mother and not have to go through what I went through. But even if she does, I’m here. Life happens, but it’s how you pull through. It’s how you grow.

Glossary. Hauora, Māori philosophy of health, based on Te Whare Tapa Whā (see following entry). Kete, basket. Te Whare Tapa Whā, a model of Māori health – the four cornerstones (developed by Sir Mason Durie). Whānau, family.

If you are struggling and need to talk to someone, free text or call 1737 to speak to a trained counsellor.