Mirror work: learning to love the skin she’s in with a daily body-love practice

Growing up, I was always that naked kid. People remember me running around nude – and often being sent home to get clothes. I’ve never had an issue with my naked body, and that fully comes from my childhood – my mum was always like, “Go for it, girl!” There were never any barriers to freedom and wildness and nakedness; and to this day, I am that way.

People used to say things like: “Oh, Laney doesn’t care – she acts like a size 8 when she’s a 16,” which was funny because it never really bothered me. I represented myself as confident, I’ve always been bold and outgoing in my body, but that’s changed in the past few years. I’ve realised that some of that wasn’t actually healthy. I think there was always the outward representation of confidence and I do feel great in my body, but now it’s like I’m embodying that – I feel that it radiates from within rather than just showcasing it.

When I was living in Sydney, I was working this awful corporate job that I hated, making a lot of money, going to the gym twice a day. I was in great shape physically but mentally, I was in the worst shape of my life. I had booked in to go to Thailand to get my breasts done, had half of it paid off, and I remember being down at the beach one day, observing a mother and child, and feeling like I needed to call my mum. I hadn’t dared to tell her before, but when I told her about it, she was like, “What are you thinking?” and I was like, “F***, I don’t even know. I walk around every day surrounded by perfection and it’s everywhere around me. It’s surrounding me and I feel imperfect.” That was the first time I’d ever been like, I want to change my body; it’s not good enough. That environment was really hard for me, but all of those thoughts have completely disappeared since moving back here.

Alcohol has been a big part of my life, and when I was twenty-five, I made quite a conscious effort to give it up, because that’s all I knew. In going sober, there were times where I really struggled being intimate with people. I’d go out and get lingerie, and stand in front of the mirror and cry – I felt ugly. It was so friggin’ confronting for me as a body-confident person. But mirror work is some of the best work you can do because it’s just you, and you’re safe, and the affirmations you use will help you be able to praise other women’s bodies as well as your own.

A few weeks ago I shaved my hair off, and it was funny because I didn’t even consider appearance when I did it. I had felt myself going backwards again – I wasn’t feeling excited about life, about anything or anyone. I remember looking in the mirror crying, and it felt like memories were just coming out of my head like words. And I realised that my hair has been with me through all of this journey, I’ve never really cut it, and everyone knows me by it. It’s the one thing that still holds me to that place and I just needed it to go – I needed to open back up and remain vulnerable and arrive into self. And the moment it was gone – I’ve actually never ever felt more beautiful, more womanly, in my life.

I have found in the past three years, moving home and being in the Mount, that loving my body and being confident in my body means looking after it, which means fuelling it correctly, moving it properly, talking to it, spending time with it and appreciating it – not just showcasing myself as outwardly confident. For me, the work is always going to start within. You can be doing all the ‘things’ – exercise, eating good food – but if your mindset doesn’t change, nothing will. Speaking to yourself kindly – that’s huge. Changing the words you use in regard to your body is huge. Coaching yourself to have that awareness around the way you speak to your body is the best thing you can do.

I turn thirty this year, and I feel like I’m at a different stage with how I love my body. I love my body, love the shape, and I feel really womanly. Maybe it’s because I feel like it’s ready to reproduce and to live differently, but I am falling in love with touching and caressing my body, dancing with her in the mirror and smiling at her. I think I am starting to slow down and give it time, really nurture my body and feel into that acceptance. Even, you know, the intimate spaces of my body, I’m becoming familiar with them, which is a whole other realm of beauty, because we are so scared of that space. As women, I think we are starting to feel more comfortable, confident, appreciative and loving of those spaces.

I think that body acceptance and body love are two different things. We can accept our bodies on a level, particularly the physical, but loving our bodies is so much deeper. To truly love your body, acceptance comes first – of the good parts, the bad, the ugly. Then own it all, love it regardless. Loving your body has to do with daily practice, knowing that some days will be harder than others, and still being able to express gratitude to your body on those harder days. For me, it’s all about being bold and fearless, because when you do, body image becomes smaller. When you can look at yourself in the mirror, feel all the feels and still express kindness – that is body love.