29 October 2022

The Tūpuna Pull

Ngā Mārena. Rural Weddings.

writer: ANNA BRANKIN (KĀI TAHU, KĀTI MĀMOE)
photographer: SHERNADE MCGREGOR

When Naomi and Hamuera Aporo-Manihera decided to get married, they immediately saw the opportunity for their wedding to truly be a reflection of their relationship and the values that brought them together: a desire to strengthen their connection to their culture and identity for the long-term.

Naomi and Hamuera with their takapau wharanui.

Naomi and Hamuera with their takapau wharanui.

Describing their relationship as the result of a “tūpuna nudge” – their ancestors bringing them together – the couple wanted their special day to be immersed in te reo Māori me ōna tikanga. “We wanted it to be the perfect expression of who we are and what we were doing – joining families, joining whakapapa,” says Naomi.

Born and raised in the Wairarapa, Naomi, 36, affiliates to Ngāti Kahungunu, Rangitāne, Ngāpuhi, Te Arawa, Ngāti Wahiao, Ngāti Toa, Ngāti Apa ki te Rā Tō and Ngāi Tahu through her father’s whānau, while her mother’s parents are from Norway and the Shetland Islands. “My grandmother was from the generation where she was taken from Wairarapa and given an English name, and then the reo was gone from our family,” Naomi explains. “We are in the process of reclaiming that back. We are definitely still people of the whenua, that’s in our blood through and through.”

Meanwhile, Hamuera, 33, was born in Australia and came to Aotearoa when he was nine. He descends from Ngāti Kuia, Ngāti Apa ki te Rā Tō, Rangitāne, Ngāti Koata and Ngāi Tahu. “I have spent most of my life here in Whakatū, at the top of the South Island. I lived on the marae with my grandmother for a little bit, had a stint up in Foxton Beach as well,” he says. “Living amongst my whānau I got taught the arts of our tūpuna, got into conservation and I’ve just rolled with it.”

Hamuera and Naomi walking with their bridal party.

Naomi and Hamuera first met in 2020 through mutual friends, who were adamant the pair would be perfect together. “But Hamu is incredibly shy, and I was quite happy on my own,” Naomi says. “And then one day we were invited to the same event and Hamuera had just got his mataora and something changed. I had always thought he was a lovely person but seeing him that day, I was like, ‘This could be a lovely person for me.’”

Hamuera says he had always felt drawn to Naomi. “She’s a beautiful soul and there was that natural pull. Things all just fell into place and in a way it felt like it was on more of a tūpuna level.”

As the self-described instigator of the relationship, Naomi suggested they make a date for the coming weekend, and Hamuera invited her to join him on a trip to harvest kānuka on his family whenua in Kenepuru Sound. From then on, the couple spent as much time together as possible around their busy work and social schedules – Naomi is the Senior Leader Māori for the Our Land and Water National Science Challenge, while Hamuera is the Māori Collections Manager for the Nelson Provincial Museum.

“Being married feels like such an easy, natural progression,” Naomi says. “We’re fortunate that we complement one another so well. He’s got such amazing knowledge and a passion for cultural revitalisation.”
“Being married feels like such an easy, natural progression,” Naomi says. “We’re fortunate that we complement one another so well. He’s got such amazing knowledge and a passion for cultural revitalisation.”

Less than a year later, they were engaged. The decision came about during a conversation after they visited a friend with two very cute tamariki. Afterwards, Hamuera joked about having children of their own, “and Omi said I’d better put a ring on it.”

“I said, ‘I’d actually like to get married before we have children,’ and he said, ‘Okay,’” Naomi says with a laugh. “And I said, ‘What does that mean?’ and he said, ‘I guess we’re getting married!’” Their understated engagement is consistent with the tone of their relationship, which they describe as steady and calm.

“They say when you know, you know, and it’s never been one of those crazy, loud love stories,” Naomi says. “It was just so peaceful, and easy to think about what our life together would look like, and to say, ‘Yes, that’s what I want for myself, and our children and our future generations.’” It was especially significant to think about her tamariki and mokopuna, and the opportunity to restore what had been lost to previous generations of her whānau. “Because I’m a long-term thinker, I can see that this relationship is not just about me, this is about changing the future of my family. It’s strengthening our culture and identity,” she says.

Naomi and Hamuera knew they needed to honour this connection, as well as the tūpuna who brought them together, as part of their wedding day. Their shared vision meant that planning the details of the day was easy – the challenging part was navigating the ever-changing limitations of lockdowns and traffic-light settings.

“So we decided to have two weddings!” Naomi says. “We were legally married on 28 December on my mum and dad’s back porch in Masterton. My grandmother was my bridesmaid, and my dad sang a song as I walked in. We kept it very small because we’d decided that our South Island wedding was going to be the expression of how we wanted to get married.” The main event took place just over a week later, in January 2022.

“We chose my whānau whenua as the venue, a place called Matapihi just out of Ōkiwi Bay in Croisilles Harbour,” says Hamuera. “My aunty and uncle still live on the whenua so we met with them and discussed our interest in getting married there, and it turned into a giant working bee to have a proper clean-up of the whenua.”

“It was a lot of work because it was just in a paddock on the farm, so we had to bring all the infrastructure out ourselves,” says Naomi. “It was a real team effort in terms of marquee set-up, setting up a kitchen, getting water flowing, everything like that.”

Their wedding day dawned still and clear, and Hamuera says there was a relaxed and celebratory air as guests began to gather ahead of Naomi’s arrival. When she began to approach down the long gravel road, two wāhine stood up and began to karanga, calling her towards Hamuera and their waiting whānau and friends. “That was when I started bawling my eyes out,” Naomi says. “Karanga is always an awakening of emotion and spiritual connection, and it felt so incredibly powerful and so incredibly right.”

Already being legally married, the couple had asked their close friend Craig ‘Shep’ Shepherd to officiate the ceremony. “We needed somebody who could bring the wairua we wanted, a fluent speaker of the reo and someone who knew us both really well,” Naomi says. Before the wedding, Shep had spent time with tohunga Che Wilson, learning about the traditional joining of families and a karakia composed specifically for pākūwhā. A kuia from Te Ore Ore, Naomi’s marae in Wairarapa, had woven a takapau wharanui for the couple – the mat on which traditional marriage ceremonies took place.

“Shep was able to talk people through the different elements that were traditionally seen in the joining of families and why it was done, and the explanation of that tikanga was really powerful because it reminded us of all these special things and the thinking that sits behind what we did and why we did it,” Naomi says.

A display of photographs, acknowledging whānau who have passed

“There were so many beautiful connections like that,” Naomi recalls. “Hamuera had made a kahu muka for me to wear, and the harakeke was harvested from the whenua that we got married on. And our friend Charlene Fraser made the tātua that Hamu wore, using kiekie harvested from the same whenua.”

From start to finish, Naomi and Hamuera’s wedding was everything they dreamed it would be – a celebration of te ao Māori and and beautiful day with friends and whānau. “We were just walking on cloud nine the whole day, it was just like, ‘This is actually the coolest day of our lives.’”

Glossary. Hongi, sharing of essence through the pressing of noses. Kahu muka, a cloak made from prepared flax fibre. Kānuka, white tea-tree. Karakia, incantation. Karanga, a sacred Māori call undertaken by women. Kiekie, a woody native vine used for weaving. Kuia, older woman. Marae, the courtyard area in front of the main building, often used to describe the complex. Mataora, male facial tattoo. Mokopuna, grandchildren. Pākūwhā, traditional wedding ceremony. Takapau wharanui, a metaphor for a birth having taken place as a result of a communally recognised marriage. Tamariki, children. Taonga, treasure. Tātua, belt. Te ao Māori, Māori culture and cultural practices. Te reo Māori me ōna tikanga, Māori language and cultural practices. Tikanga, cultural practices and guidelines. Tohunga, expert. Tūpuna, ancestors. Wāhine, women. Wairua, essence. Whakapapa, genealogy. Whānau, family. Whenua, land.

Hamuera sharing in hongi with his father-in-law.

NAOMI & HAMUERA
7 January 2022

Bride Naomi Aporo, 36, daughter of Debbie & Anthony Aporo, Masterton
Groom Hamuera Manihera, 33, son of Dianne & Darryl Robb, Nelson

Wedding Location Matapihi Bay, Marlborough Sounds
Ceremony & Reception Hamuera’s whānau whenua, on his aunty and uncle’s farm

Officiant Craig ‘Shep’ Shepherd
Photographer Shernade Photography
Bride’s Dress The Laid Back Bride
Bridesmaids’ Dresses KILT
Bride’s Kahu Muka Hamuera Manihera
Groom’s Tātua Charlene Fraser
Groom’s Taonga Johnathan Percy Stone Art
Takapau Wharanui Candy Caroll
Hair Tania McPhillips
Makeup Asher Artistry
Catering 3Ts
Cake D’licious Cakes
Flowers Locally foraged, arranged by Tania Smith

Honeymoon Mahe-i-Puku – Pepin Island – and Tahiti
Living Whakatū Nelson

Hamuera and Naomi with their parents.

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